I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
