Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Mom said you looked used
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
