I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
