My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
