I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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