Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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