I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
