You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
