I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
