I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
