I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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