Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
