dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
