my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
