Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
