i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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