I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
