I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
