He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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