trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
