Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
