He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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