I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
