Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just found puke in my bra..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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