I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
