its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
