Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
