I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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