saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
