oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And then he peed in my hair
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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