You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
