Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
