The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
