Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
