I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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