plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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