she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
