Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
