it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
