I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
