The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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