i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
