Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
