I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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