I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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