maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I want her autograph on my taint
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
