ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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