I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
