I am full of burrito and curiosity
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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