Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
