I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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